Fire & Ash

Several years ago I compiled a list of short words and phrases that captured the "me". When I put this together I wasn't concerned about whether everyone around me agreed - I wasn't even worried about how these words made me look to other people. I did it as part of an introspective journey of myself, on myself, for myself. I did it to take a snapshot of who I was at that moment in time to memorialize the "me" of the moment.

I remember taking hours and formatting the words into a small poster using a very crude (by today's standards) publishing program. (Those were the days when programs inevitably turned themselves off at critical moments and it seemed like it took hours to reboot the computer.) I worked diligently -- producing a printed collage of thoughts, emotions, attributes, and even story characters that resounded with me during that time in my life. I meticulously crafted the document into the finest piece of art that I had ever produced (I'm not very artistic) -- and then as I recall, I ceremonially burned it.

There wasn't a lot of pomp and circumstance, just me hovering over a small container watching my creation blaze up and just as quickly morph into unrecognizable ash. I reflect on that moment quite often lately. The moment between fire and ash. I wish I could have grabbed the paper out of the bin and written those two words. I stood there struck by the fact that of all the words I had written I had missed the most important two - fire and ash.

That is so me - standing on the brink of something I think so represents and defines me and almost missing the most important parts. I've learned a couple of things since that time in my life. I want that moment between the fire and ash of every activity in my life to be a celebration of how bright and hot the fire burned not how dull and gray the ash will look when its over.