one man's junk...

I threw some old cassette tapes away today. It was kind of sad for me - partly because I HATE getting rid of things and partly because it made me reflect on the inevitability of change. There is something comforting in putting on an old shirt or pair of shoes that has long since seen its time -- it just feels better. And that stack of stuff in the top dresser drawer - it's true I will never use it again or even be able to remember what I used it for in the first place, but I think I feel better just knowing it's there. The people around me will probably not get it, instead they see worn out clothes or clutter as stuff I should have gotten rid of a long time ago. But for me as outrageous as it seems these things seem more me than today's clothes or junk.

The same thing goes for old thinking, habits, and behaviors. We become comfortable with who we are, and change though inevitable is sad to us. Sometimes it's not even that we want to keep the old, worn-out "us" junk, it's just that if we keep it close to us we feel better. The people around us will probably not get it. It seems so clear to them that if we could just get rid of this or change that we would be so much better off. They might even be right, but it doesn't mean that when we give these things up we immediately feel better. In fact, at that moment of change we might feel much worse.

I don't remember that last thing I threw away that gave me trasher's remorse, but I know that I did it. It probably wasn't even that long go, I felt bad and moved on. I am certain I am better off for having gotten rid of whatever it was, but at that moment standing above the trash can I am also sure I didn't feel like I was going to better off. I'm sure I felt sad.