The world seems quite taken with Susan Boyle. Her frumpy appearance, quirky behavior, and remarkable voice went viral leading to an estimated 100,000,000 youtube video hits in just over 6 six weeks. She is a sensational character in a sensationalizing world, and has caught the eye of mainstream media and average everyday "Joes" as she likes to call them. She has become an unlikely star catapulted onto an international stage reminding us that it is good and honorable to be as you were intended "originally you".
I was so taken by her original video clip, at just over 7 minutes it was like a gripping two hour movie with all the main characters -- the heroine (Ms. Boyle of course), the villain (the in-person audience including the judges), and the victim (us, all of us that waited to laugh at Ms. Boyle for making such a fool of herself in public). Even the script ("I Dreamed a Dream", Les Miserables) seemed suited for that moment when it was shared. If you watched this it was one of those "feel good" stories of a lifetime.
It strikes me that so many equally (if not more so) talented people will never be discovered because of either their desire to be like everyone else or because of the tigers that have torn hope apart for them. They seem victims of their own life killing the dreams they dreamed.
Don't let that happen to you. Today is a good day to dream!
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Sunday, May 17, 2009
yesterday, today, and tommorow
It's such a balancing act sometimes -- cleaning up yesterday's loose ends, taking care of today, and planning for tommorow. For some reason it seems I get inordinately stuck many times between yesterday and tomorrow without enough appreciation for today. I really need to focus on remembering yesterday and learning from it, planning for tomorrow and preparing for it, but living for today and enjoying it.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
you're just not funny
Have you ever had to break the bad news to someone that they lacked significant expertise and talent in an area that they really wanted to succeed in? Have you ever had to be that slight nudge and redirection for another person's dreams?
About two weeks ago my son announces that he will be participating in the annual elementary school talent show. He's going to tell jokes. Now it's no surprise to me that my son is ... well, how can I say this ... an incredibly intelligent, fun, great guy born absent of the ability to tell a good joke if his life depended on it. And trust me -- he has tried. At five years old after days of him trying to put two amusing sentences together I had to break it to him -- I tried to say it gently but "you're just not funny" came out harshly.
I can remember feeling like I was crushing his dream, but honestly one more of his "attempts at being funny" was going to push me over the edge. It was one of those times as a parent that I was sure I had broken every good parent rule, but could only sigh with relief because I wasn't going to be driven crazy while being empathetic and reassuring. I quickly followed my crushing blow with a new self-serving "No More Jokes in the House" rule -- better to get it all done at once I reasoned. After all, he's already crushed, what's a new rule he won't like going to do beyond that.
The next 4 years were relatively quiet on this front. Oh, of course there was the ocassional attempted joke followed by my now sweet and supportive "remember we all agreed that you're just not funny" which he handled well. (Note the emphasis on ALL to make my dream crushing response look like it was a civil family meeting vote he only vaguely remembers). But then this -- jokes, elementary school talent show, my son. This was a bad combination.
I swallowed hard, "ummmm son I don't know how I feel about that" I started. "I know dad, I know I'm just not that funny", he replied. "How about I sing?", he asked. I didn't know if he could do that, but I knew it would have to be better than telling jokes. "Absolutely" I said convincingly, pretty sure that he would figure out on his own that he didn't want to stand in front of an auditorium full of people singing.
On May 7, 2009 a proud daddy watched his little man wow a crowded auditorium at an elementary talent show. It wasn't his voice that did that, although unbeknownest to me my son has "perfect pitch". It wasn't his presentation or even the confidence that he oozed when he took the stage. It was his conviction. My son chose a song that said something about who he was and what he believed -- my ten year old sang "Everlasting God". One of the teacher's approached me at the end of the talent show and noted how there were tears in the eyes of some teachers when he practiced earlier in the day.
A little later in the evening my son came up and gave me one of those "it's-great-to-be-a-kid" hugs, pushed his hair away from his eyes, and said "You know what, dad, I know I'm just not that funny, but I can sing". "Yes you can, yes you can" I replied.
About two weeks ago my son announces that he will be participating in the annual elementary school talent show. He's going to tell jokes. Now it's no surprise to me that my son is ... well, how can I say this ... an incredibly intelligent, fun, great guy born absent of the ability to tell a good joke if his life depended on it. And trust me -- he has tried. At five years old after days of him trying to put two amusing sentences together I had to break it to him -- I tried to say it gently but "you're just not funny" came out harshly.
I can remember feeling like I was crushing his dream, but honestly one more of his "attempts at being funny" was going to push me over the edge. It was one of those times as a parent that I was sure I had broken every good parent rule, but could only sigh with relief because I wasn't going to be driven crazy while being empathetic and reassuring. I quickly followed my crushing blow with a new self-serving "No More Jokes in the House" rule -- better to get it all done at once I reasoned. After all, he's already crushed, what's a new rule he won't like going to do beyond that.
The next 4 years were relatively quiet on this front. Oh, of course there was the ocassional attempted joke followed by my now sweet and supportive "remember we all agreed that you're just not funny" which he handled well. (Note the emphasis on ALL to make my dream crushing response look like it was a civil family meeting vote he only vaguely remembers). But then this -- jokes, elementary school talent show, my son. This was a bad combination.
I swallowed hard, "ummmm son I don't know how I feel about that" I started. "I know dad, I know I'm just not that funny", he replied. "How about I sing?", he asked. I didn't know if he could do that, but I knew it would have to be better than telling jokes. "Absolutely" I said convincingly, pretty sure that he would figure out on his own that he didn't want to stand in front of an auditorium full of people singing.
On May 7, 2009 a proud daddy watched his little man wow a crowded auditorium at an elementary talent show. It wasn't his voice that did that, although unbeknownest to me my son has "perfect pitch". It wasn't his presentation or even the confidence that he oozed when he took the stage. It was his conviction. My son chose a song that said something about who he was and what he believed -- my ten year old sang "Everlasting God". One of the teacher's approached me at the end of the talent show and noted how there were tears in the eyes of some teachers when he practiced earlier in the day.
A little later in the evening my son came up and gave me one of those "it's-great-to-be-a-kid" hugs, pushed his hair away from his eyes, and said "You know what, dad, I know I'm just not that funny, but I can sing". "Yes you can, yes you can" I replied.
Monday, May 11, 2009
honesty is...
I just started a new series in one of my educational groups at a local rehab. I had started down this road several years ago -- integrating action into the recovery process. It never ceases to amaze me how many people there are that look for wellness in passivity. Addicts, of course, looking for an easier, softer way are no exception.
Anyway, the jist of the series is to take recovery "tools" and give them legs and arms (specifically the clients legs and arms) to do something. This week I started with honesty. Not the honesty that is about telling the truth, but the honesty that makes you sweat - rigorous honesty. Honesty that demands action, and action that demands work and more work to even get a peak at what honesty really means.
I like to think of it this way -- honesty is ... the action of integrity. It is that part of us that works to maintain our values as we know them and want them to be. So many people's integrity is like a used coupon book - full of holes where all the most significant and important deals of a lifetime have been clipped. Short-term compromises lead to long term denials about who and what we are about. Many people spend the rest of their life trying to reconcile themselves with what they've become instead of just being honest.
I don't want to make it sound too easy. It's not -- and if done correctly it will cause you to sweat. That's the good part - sweating the compromise out and plugging those integrity holes with honest words and honest actions that support those words. You'll be surprised at how quickly priortizing your own integrity will move you to wellness.
Anyway, the jist of the series is to take recovery "tools" and give them legs and arms (specifically the clients legs and arms) to do something. This week I started with honesty. Not the honesty that is about telling the truth, but the honesty that makes you sweat - rigorous honesty. Honesty that demands action, and action that demands work and more work to even get a peak at what honesty really means.
I like to think of it this way -- honesty is ... the action of integrity. It is that part of us that works to maintain our values as we know them and want them to be. So many people's integrity is like a used coupon book - full of holes where all the most significant and important deals of a lifetime have been clipped. Short-term compromises lead to long term denials about who and what we are about. Many people spend the rest of their life trying to reconcile themselves with what they've become instead of just being honest.
I don't want to make it sound too easy. It's not -- and if done correctly it will cause you to sweat. That's the good part - sweating the compromise out and plugging those integrity holes with honest words and honest actions that support those words. You'll be surprised at how quickly priortizing your own integrity will move you to wellness.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
again...and again
So -- it has been a while, and yes, I have gotten you're subtle and not so subtle hints about getting something up. Actually my time away has been quite intentional. You see I have been -- busy (see last post), and in a different kind of place the past weeks (even months).
I don't feel like details here are important, but I will say that my orignal refusal to post was out of respect for those around me that I did not come off like a raving lunatic during life-stretching events over the past couple of months. Frankly, on any given day I could have sounded way to whiney, and anyone that knows me knows I only like to whine about important things (at least important things to me).
I don't want to make it sound like it wasn't a good life-stretching couple of weeks. Honestly - I learned a lot about myself and those around me. I have come to appreciate some things often under-appreciated by me. I have begun to appropriately value some things often over-valued by me. I guess you could say that I grew -- emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.
Often during the past few months I have reminded myself about something that I believe Wiliam Danforth wrote -- " I would rather fail in the cause that someday will triumph than triumph in the cause that someday will fail." I have thought of that again..and again...and again.
I don't feel like details here are important, but I will say that my orignal refusal to post was out of respect for those around me that I did not come off like a raving lunatic during life-stretching events over the past couple of months. Frankly, on any given day I could have sounded way to whiney, and anyone that knows me knows I only like to whine about important things (at least important things to me).
I don't want to make it sound like it wasn't a good life-stretching couple of weeks. Honestly - I learned a lot about myself and those around me. I have come to appreciate some things often under-appreciated by me. I have begun to appropriately value some things often over-valued by me. I guess you could say that I grew -- emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.
Often during the past few months I have reminded myself about something that I believe Wiliam Danforth wrote -- " I would rather fail in the cause that someday will triumph than triumph in the cause that someday will fail." I have thought of that again..and again...and again.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
and the winner is....
So here I sit -- the unrestrained pace of life ramming me full force. It seems like I have more things than I could possibly complete in a year on my plate (all needing to be done by lunch time or so I think) and an even longer list of things I would like to get to this millenium.
I don't get overwhelmed easily, but if I did this would definitely be one of those times. Where should I start - return e-mails, a growing list of today phone calls, sorting papers, compiling reports. They all seem important -- NO they all are important, but the pull to complete each task comes with an inversely proportional number of reasons not to start them at this moment.
It makes me wonder how many of today's urgencies I will actually remember a week from now. I don't like to procrastinate, but I am thinking for the moment I may just choose to do nothing and relax for the next half hour. I question myself, "Is that procrastination or survival?"
I feel like life is a race right now - and if I don't regroup and pace myself my sprints are going to be well short of the finish line. and the winner is....
I don't get overwhelmed easily, but if I did this would definitely be one of those times. Where should I start - return e-mails, a growing list of today phone calls, sorting papers, compiling reports. They all seem important -- NO they all are important, but the pull to complete each task comes with an inversely proportional number of reasons not to start them at this moment.
It makes me wonder how many of today's urgencies I will actually remember a week from now. I don't like to procrastinate, but I am thinking for the moment I may just choose to do nothing and relax for the next half hour. I question myself, "Is that procrastination or survival?"
I feel like life is a race right now - and if I don't regroup and pace myself my sprints are going to be well short of the finish line. and the winner is....
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
google me this ...
It was very subtle in my life. It started with an occassional comment from a friend or colleague about "googling this" or "googling that". I didn't know it, but after a time or two I was convinced that I had known what "googling" was since birth.
Then came the very first google conversation -- I use YAHOO I replied and that pretty much ended that. It wasn't long after that my brother insisted I check out his "world of google" as I liked to refer it. I half-heartedly complied and saw the calendar, the blog, the this, the that, a seemingly endless googlesphere of stuff. This google thing seemed to have infiltrated my brother's soul and taken over. Why in the world would I want a bunch of people seeing my calendar - I thought to myself. I'll stick with YAHOO.
You know where it goes from here. Innocently - a blog. Well that was easy, I wonder about that calendar application (just for personal use of course). Analytics, another calendar, a few gmail addresses for some clients, a couple more calendars all complexly linking different parts of my life with rainbow colors, a foray into sites, some more calendars, additional gmail accounts, this password, that password another calendar for good measure -- and I am officially googlified. I mean really - YAHOO, who uses YAHOO anymore.
When do you think there going to start charging for this stuff? I can't envision my life without google so whenever they do I guess I'll be in line check in hand. YAHOO who!?!
Then came the very first google conversation -- I use YAHOO I replied and that pretty much ended that. It wasn't long after that my brother insisted I check out his "world of google" as I liked to refer it. I half-heartedly complied and saw the calendar, the blog, the this, the that, a seemingly endless googlesphere of stuff. This google thing seemed to have infiltrated my brother's soul and taken over. Why in the world would I want a bunch of people seeing my calendar - I thought to myself. I'll stick with YAHOO.
You know where it goes from here. Innocently - a blog. Well that was easy, I wonder about that calendar application (just for personal use of course). Analytics, another calendar, a few gmail addresses for some clients, a couple more calendars all complexly linking different parts of my life with rainbow colors, a foray into sites, some more calendars, additional gmail accounts, this password, that password another calendar for good measure -- and I am officially googlified. I mean really - YAHOO, who uses YAHOO anymore.
When do you think there going to start charging for this stuff? I can't envision my life without google so whenever they do I guess I'll be in line check in hand. YAHOO who!?!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
500,000,000 and counting
I am a pretty reflective person. I am not necessarilly all about changing things (honestly I have a pretty good life) or creating new goals, however, I spend more time than the average person (I believe) reflecting over the past and often playing things back in my mind.
For example, as of right now I have been an adult 745,397,926 seconds. Probably slightly less than 1/3 of that time has been sleeping (you know how your twenties and thirties go). So if I calculated this correctly (and assuming approximately 7 hours and 45 minutes per day for sleep) then on this day I should be passing the 500,000,000 waking second part of my adult life. How exciting - one half billion opportunities to impact the world around me!!
Ummmm - I'm not sure I'm doing that well! I can think of some positive things that I may have added to some people around me, and possibly there is a person or two out there that has been significantly impacted by me, but all in all I'm not really sure how I really stack up here. Unfortunately, I don't feel a whole lot better about this if I look at it by minutes, hours, days, or even weeks. Exactly how many people should you have really been able to make an impact on in 207,067 hours. You would think more than a couple of hundred - wouldn't you. Now maybe I am underestimating my imact on the people and the world around me, but then again maybe I am overestimating. Maybe I am right on - huh!?
I am not morose about this. I rather look at it as an opportunity to be more effective. You see tomorrow I will have about 59,400 more seconds to try and make a difference. By the way - you'll have about the same. If I do my part and you do your part maybe we can get better at this "change the world" thing. Who knows, 23 years, 7months, 11 days, 19 hours, 54 minutes, 44 seconds from now I might have a very different opinion about how I'm doing.
For example, as of right now I have been an adult 745,397,926 seconds. Probably slightly less than 1/3 of that time has been sleeping (you know how your twenties and thirties go). So if I calculated this correctly (and assuming approximately 7 hours and 45 minutes per day for sleep) then on this day I should be passing the 500,000,000 waking second part of my adult life. How exciting - one half billion opportunities to impact the world around me!!
Ummmm - I'm not sure I'm doing that well! I can think of some positive things that I may have added to some people around me, and possibly there is a person or two out there that has been significantly impacted by me, but all in all I'm not really sure how I really stack up here. Unfortunately, I don't feel a whole lot better about this if I look at it by minutes, hours, days, or even weeks. Exactly how many people should you have really been able to make an impact on in 207,067 hours. You would think more than a couple of hundred - wouldn't you. Now maybe I am underestimating my imact on the people and the world around me, but then again maybe I am overestimating. Maybe I am right on - huh!?
I am not morose about this. I rather look at it as an opportunity to be more effective. You see tomorrow I will have about 59,400 more seconds to try and make a difference. By the way - you'll have about the same. If I do my part and you do your part maybe we can get better at this "change the world" thing. Who knows, 23 years, 7months, 11 days, 19 hours, 54 minutes, 44 seconds from now I might have a very different opinion about how I'm doing.
BAD Blogger...BAD
Okay - so I've gotten a bit of feedback on the lack of posting the past several weeks. Here I thought everyone struggled to get anything done during the holidays (which begin on Thanksgiving and officially end President's Day), but it seems that is not entirely true. The truth is I have some (maybe even several) drafts in the works, but they're not quite where I want them. Just a little bit more refining (to allow for the OCD me to be happy) and I should get most of these up this week. NOTE: I will be posting by the date of the draft because long after you read this I want to be able to look back and check it out myself - so you may want to look backwards for a while or check ut new titles in the menu to the right. Pretty much anything in January and early February would be a good place to start.
As noted in an earlier post I have had to get more creative for spending money with the demise of my weekly poker game so I have resorted to work -- which has gone well. I have traveled a bit, and really seen some good projects come together. We continue to consider ourselves blessed when it comes to work, and hopefully contribute minutely to those folks who so graciously send stuff our way. I've been working out a video series in my head that I would love to get off the ground this year, but I still have some obstacles to overcome.
On the family side - we have had some real high points and a couple of low points. I have some thoughts which exists in drafts to this point and hopefully I will get these out this week. Anyway - I appropriately award myself the BAD BLOGGER of the New Year award. God, grant me the ... courage to change the things I can!!
I will remove this post when I am officially caught up!
As noted in an earlier post I have had to get more creative for spending money with the demise of my weekly poker game so I have resorted to work -- which has gone well. I have traveled a bit, and really seen some good projects come together. We continue to consider ourselves blessed when it comes to work, and hopefully contribute minutely to those folks who so graciously send stuff our way. I've been working out a video series in my head that I would love to get off the ground this year, but I still have some obstacles to overcome.
On the family side - we have had some real high points and a couple of low points. I have some thoughts which exists in drafts to this point and hopefully I will get these out this week. Anyway - I appropriately award myself the BAD BLOGGER of the New Year award. God, grant me the ... courage to change the things I can!!
I will remove this post when I am officially caught up!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Sometimes a man just has to ... PLAY!
For the past several years I have left my home every Monday night to head to a weekly poker game. I would admit that this did not always fit neatly into my life, but for the most part -- it worked for me and gave me a little spending money for the week (thanks to the frequent, generous donations of my poker buddies!!).
The new year brought some sadness as my Monday night poker night was cancelled. I'm not sure if this night is a victim of the economy for the guys, the busyness in life that most of us that play experience, or I was just uninvited me after 4 years because they were tired of giving me their money. Seems odd to just cancel male bonding experiences after so long so I might believe the latter is really at work. (Guys - if you see a vehicle slowly pass by the stomping grounds with the lights off this Monday you will know you've been found out.)
Anyway - it's over, and I must say that I miss it. I'm not sure if it was just the time to unwind or the fact that I love playing cards. It might even be (notice MIGHT) that I miss seeing the gang, laughing, and catching up weekly. It seems to me that I am becoming more disconnected socially without this opportunity to start the week off surrounded by men who have come to really appreciate me as a person throughout the past several years. It's funny - I have always thought that relationships were about quality not quantity, but there is something to be said for quantity too.
These guys have become my friends in the little contaned part of my life that is about play. I am probably like most men -- I just don't play that much. Sure I like to think about toys and maybe play a little here or there, but I really don't play that much. I am more likely to pass on a $10 toy for myself so that my kids can get one or try and convince myself that dinner out with friends is playing. I'm not saying I should play all the time, but I dangerously fill my schedule with things that look like play to those around me, but are often somehow related to work (i.e. spending time on the computer that generally has some work link to it).
It's a late New Year's resolution, and I am not always a fan, but I think I might just resolve to play more this year -- or at least play as much as I did last year. The key is going to be finding something than my Monday night poker game, and hopefully finding some others to get involved.
The new year brought some sadness as my Monday night poker night was cancelled. I'm not sure if this night is a victim of the economy for the guys, the busyness in life that most of us that play experience, or I was just uninvited me after 4 years because they were tired of giving me their money. Seems odd to just cancel male bonding experiences after so long so I might believe the latter is really at work. (Guys - if you see a vehicle slowly pass by the stomping grounds with the lights off this Monday you will know you've been found out.)
Anyway - it's over, and I must say that I miss it. I'm not sure if it was just the time to unwind or the fact that I love playing cards. It might even be (notice MIGHT) that I miss seeing the gang, laughing, and catching up weekly. It seems to me that I am becoming more disconnected socially without this opportunity to start the week off surrounded by men who have come to really appreciate me as a person throughout the past several years. It's funny - I have always thought that relationships were about quality not quantity, but there is something to be said for quantity too.
These guys have become my friends in the little contaned part of my life that is about play. I am probably like most men -- I just don't play that much. Sure I like to think about toys and maybe play a little here or there, but I really don't play that much. I am more likely to pass on a $10 toy for myself so that my kids can get one or try and convince myself that dinner out with friends is playing. I'm not saying I should play all the time, but I dangerously fill my schedule with things that look like play to those around me, but are often somehow related to work (i.e. spending time on the computer that generally has some work link to it).
It's a late New Year's resolution, and I am not always a fan, but I think I might just resolve to play more this year -- or at least play as much as I did last year. The key is going to be finding something than my Monday night poker game, and hopefully finding some others to get involved.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
little blips ---- BIG consequences
I finally had an opportunity to get back to my Tuesday group schedule. Like many days I entered the room with no real idea what I was going to present. Somebody asked a seemingly innocuous question on relapse and we were off to the races.
One of my favorite group statements is that "I've never seen a person trip over a 7 foot wall". Generally, when I share this I am simply trying to make the point that BIG obstacles aren't often the impetus for relapse or failure. Instead, I note that I have seen "many people trip over a pebble" -- little things force us to lose our footing without even noticing that something so small yet so dangerous is in front of us and once we start falling nothing except slamming the ground is goint to stop it.
As I reflect on this it is so true for everyone. Have you ever seen someone genuinely in the midst of crisis? So many people are able to work through these huge events and even this stress points them squarely toward things that are going to help them. They seem good - focused and directed toward working through the crisis. On the other hand have you ever seen someone totally underneath the weight of a million little problems. These folks don't tend to be able to walk and chew gum without it becoming catastrophic to them.
I have a theory -- it's about the "noise" of the problems. When one small thing happens we don't generally do anything about it. It's like a short blip in the middle of a long movie. It provides too little distraction to take our eyes off what we're watching but enough to startle us and force us to regroup in our mind. It also makes us acutely aware of the next short blip. With heightened awareness of the blips to come the blips increase. As the blips increase our annoyance and frustration increases. Soon even though we're trying to watch the movie we don't even see it - instead we spend our time on the edge of our seat waiting for the next blip and our chance to be legitimately frustrated at this disruption in our life. We begin to focus on the problem, and miss everything else around us.
Can you see what I am saying -- when your child starts the day by being just a little uncooperative it will often start you on a path toward exasperation by day's end and you won't even notice it. When you realize you're going to be five minutes late for an important meeting and you move into resolve mode not realizing how out of control your schedule and your life is going to feel all day. When you hardly notice those hang-over stories from your coworkers, but there is that tinge of remembrance for you. All of these things are destined to end bad - arguments with the people you love, disatisfaction with your life, or relapse - UNLESS you do something right up front.
Even when something seems small and inconsequenial take the time to re-center yourself and begin the next activity, conversation, or thought process new. One of my favorite ways to do this is the serenity prayer - "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (those that just happened), the willingness to change the things I can (okay - I'm cleaning the slate here), and the courage to know the difference (God don;t let me overlook the big stuff or sweat the small stuff). It might seem silly - how could a thirty second prayer save a marriage or keep you sober), but I honestly believe it works. If it does nothing else you will end your day with the same optimism and purpose you started with -- something that very few people I know can actually do!
One of my favorite group statements is that "I've never seen a person trip over a 7 foot wall". Generally, when I share this I am simply trying to make the point that BIG obstacles aren't often the impetus for relapse or failure. Instead, I note that I have seen "many people trip over a pebble" -- little things force us to lose our footing without even noticing that something so small yet so dangerous is in front of us and once we start falling nothing except slamming the ground is goint to stop it.
As I reflect on this it is so true for everyone. Have you ever seen someone genuinely in the midst of crisis? So many people are able to work through these huge events and even this stress points them squarely toward things that are going to help them. They seem good - focused and directed toward working through the crisis. On the other hand have you ever seen someone totally underneath the weight of a million little problems. These folks don't tend to be able to walk and chew gum without it becoming catastrophic to them.
I have a theory -- it's about the "noise" of the problems. When one small thing happens we don't generally do anything about it. It's like a short blip in the middle of a long movie. It provides too little distraction to take our eyes off what we're watching but enough to startle us and force us to regroup in our mind. It also makes us acutely aware of the next short blip. With heightened awareness of the blips to come the blips increase. As the blips increase our annoyance and frustration increases. Soon even though we're trying to watch the movie we don't even see it - instead we spend our time on the edge of our seat waiting for the next blip and our chance to be legitimately frustrated at this disruption in our life. We begin to focus on the problem, and miss everything else around us.
Can you see what I am saying -- when your child starts the day by being just a little uncooperative it will often start you on a path toward exasperation by day's end and you won't even notice it. When you realize you're going to be five minutes late for an important meeting and you move into resolve mode not realizing how out of control your schedule and your life is going to feel all day. When you hardly notice those hang-over stories from your coworkers, but there is that tinge of remembrance for you. All of these things are destined to end bad - arguments with the people you love, disatisfaction with your life, or relapse - UNLESS you do something right up front.
Even when something seems small and inconsequenial take the time to re-center yourself and begin the next activity, conversation, or thought process new. One of my favorite ways to do this is the serenity prayer - "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (those that just happened), the willingness to change the things I can (okay - I'm cleaning the slate here), and the courage to know the difference (God don;t let me overlook the big stuff or sweat the small stuff). It might seem silly - how could a thirty second prayer save a marriage or keep you sober), but I honestly believe it works. If it does nothing else you will end your day with the same optimism and purpose you started with -- something that very few people I know can actually do!
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