Last month right after Thanksgiving I called for a truce (see HELP!!! post). I suggested: "Let's put our schedules in check for the next couple of weeks. Instead of the panic that accompanies being ready for the next activity, why don't we all commit to living in the moment. Do you know what I mean -- enjoying the people, places, and things we have right in front of us. Let's take the time for the smiles and the hugs that we will give in abundance during the next few weeks to be genuine. Who knows, in the process we might actually get back to teaching those behind us what these holidays are really all about".
AND NOW....we're ready for an update.
Okay -- it hasn't been perfect, but my family has worked on this. Everything considered I think we're doing pretty well. We spent last evening with Caleb's Cadence (and spouses) and had a great time!! We laughed, we caught up with friends it seems we see a lot, but never seem to get more than 2 second conversations with, and we enjoyed the moments. Several days ago we had the Sebring contingent of the Smith/ Ward clan over and spent some hours just enjoying each other's company. Even during the activities (and there have been plenty) we've made a real effort to dig a little deeper inside ourselves to spend some time catching up with or getting to know the people around us. On Friday night Dawn and I spent some time with great friends over a meal and put aside all the holiday things we probably should have been doing just to enjoy their company. I have to say it has been refreshing.
Now, I'm not saying that there is none of me that has "almost" gotten sucked into the whirlwind of the holidays, but I have been conscious to live and let live this holiday season. (Except for holiday traffic -- but that's an anger management post for sometime in the future!)
Anyway - I've noticed some timely (and welcome) approaches that friends, family, and acquaintances are taking this Christmas. I love that most people in my life have gotten away from giving or expecting gifts this year. Times are tough for people, and I love that I sense some reprioritization around me. That is not to say I have not appreciated the gifts I have received -- I do. In fact, I think I more appreciate them this year than ever before, because I know they were given sacrificially and are accepted by us more humbly than any time in recent memory.
This Christmas season is shaping up to be one of the best I can remember. I look forward to the next few days as a chance to reflect on what is different this year and teach my kids some new traditions for Christmas -- traditions that all point back to what Christmas really is all about.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
WE have Lift-off!!
Wow - what a week! For those of you that follow here and don't know -- several months ago my wife and I began working toward developing a ministry dedicated toward providing relevant discipleship to today's teens in our online world. Well, after a lot (I mean A LOT) of development, a couple of sleepless nights, some unbelievable meetings with people, and a test group of almost 70 the first phase is done.
Bo (one of those unbelievable encouragers you meet in life) stopped me in church last week to let me know that he was waiting patiently for LAUNCH, but he was not going to let me quit on it. Thanks, Bo -- I was ready to quit that day for about the thirtieth time that week. Renee showed up on the site (about 3 hours after some final edits and about 3 hours before some final final edits) at about 6:00am the other morning with positive energy and a few words that pushed me all day long that day.
Several others of you have encouraged, listened to me complain, waited, bounced new ideas off me, and everything else from just praying for strength for me and all involved to a couple of well-timed hugs when I probably looked ready to pull my hair out. Anyway - thanks to all of you.
If you want a peek at what we're doing check out www.launchme.org. Feel free to register and jump into the COUNTdown: I'm a Youth Leader/ Worker group. (It's not just for youth leaders - it's for any adult wanting to see what LAUNCH is about.) Anyway, at the moment I am exhausted, but definitely looking forward to seeing what 2009 holds.
Bo (one of those unbelievable encouragers you meet in life) stopped me in church last week to let me know that he was waiting patiently for LAUNCH, but he was not going to let me quit on it. Thanks, Bo -- I was ready to quit that day for about the thirtieth time that week. Renee showed up on the site (about 3 hours after some final edits and about 3 hours before some final final edits) at about 6:00am the other morning with positive energy and a few words that pushed me all day long that day.
Several others of you have encouraged, listened to me complain, waited, bounced new ideas off me, and everything else from just praying for strength for me and all involved to a couple of well-timed hugs when I probably looked ready to pull my hair out. Anyway - thanks to all of you.
If you want a peek at what we're doing check out www.launchme.org. Feel free to register and jump into the COUNTdown: I'm a Youth Leader/ Worker group. (It's not just for youth leaders - it's for any adult wanting to see what LAUNCH is about.) Anyway, at the moment I am exhausted, but definitely looking forward to seeing what 2009 holds.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
My Christmas Cheer
I have often been accused of being a bit of a Scrooge at Christmas, however, after my youngest daughter's preschool Christmas program I feel like I have been uniquely suited to wish a special kind of Christmas cheer to some people. So begins my Christmas wish list:
1. For the lady in the third row who elected to stand to see her child despite the twenty five rows of people behind her that couldn't see a thing because she chose to do this -- I wish you a seat at a very important occassion directly behind a lady with an obnoxiously large hat surrounded by two very tall men.
2. For the family behind me that talked throughout my daughter's whole performance as they relished in how cute their two year old looked just moments before -- I wish you the opportunity to sit in front of a family just like yours next year.
3. For the people who could not be asked politely, cajoled, or even ordered out of the aisles by the people in charge of the program during the performance -- I wish you many happy traffic jams and a nudge or two by those cars only interested in their own spot on the freeway.
and finally,
4. For the folks who thought that the instruction to wait to pick children up from the front of the auditorium applied to the other 100 children's parents but not them -- I wish you children with the same ability to perceptually distinguish the irrelevance of instructions to them even though it sounds to everyone around them relevant.
Oh - and God bless us everyone!
1. For the lady in the third row who elected to stand to see her child despite the twenty five rows of people behind her that couldn't see a thing because she chose to do this -- I wish you a seat at a very important occassion directly behind a lady with an obnoxiously large hat surrounded by two very tall men.
2. For the family behind me that talked throughout my daughter's whole performance as they relished in how cute their two year old looked just moments before -- I wish you the opportunity to sit in front of a family just like yours next year.
3. For the people who could not be asked politely, cajoled, or even ordered out of the aisles by the people in charge of the program during the performance -- I wish you many happy traffic jams and a nudge or two by those cars only interested in their own spot on the freeway.
and finally,
4. For the folks who thought that the instruction to wait to pick children up from the front of the auditorium applied to the other 100 children's parents but not them -- I wish you children with the same ability to perceptually distinguish the irrelevance of instructions to them even though it sounds to everyone around them relevant.
Oh - and God bless us everyone!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Acceptance
For those of you who have labored through the past couple of posts - you will be happy to know that the discussion of serenity is quickly coming to a close.
In the same conversation that the Big Book talks about serenity as inversely proportional to expectation it also discusses acceptance as inversely proportional to expectation and by inference acceptance as directly proportional to serenity. Essentially it boils down to this - if I have a high level of expectation I will have a low level of both serenity and acceptance, and if I have a low level of expectation then I will have a high level of both serenity and acceptance. Alternatively, if I maintain a high level of acceptance then I will have a high level of serenity.
This is where the serenity prayer makes most sense. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." I would offer that the amount of energy that one applies to pushing down their expectation level is better spent looking around at their world and learning to live in acceptance. Acceptance truly will be the key to finding and keeping happiness alive and well in our lives.
Consider this, "Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake." If we were to own this it would quickly point us to the realization that when we focus on error in the world we are again taking back the position of director of our life. We are ill-equipped to be the director as we lack both the experience and resolve, and for any of us that have previously relinquished this not-what-it's-cracked-up-to-be title I can think of nothing more frustrating than taking it back on. Trust me it is far more rewarding and significantly less difficult to just say "Okay, this was sent my direction I need to accept it and move on."
Some of you are wondering if it's really that simple. Can the quality of my life increase exponentially simply by accepting the things around me as exactly the way they are supposed to be? I could give you my answer, and I have tried to make a case for just this over the past week, but I prefer you just try it. Come on try it -- you might like it.
In the same conversation that the Big Book talks about serenity as inversely proportional to expectation it also discusses acceptance as inversely proportional to expectation and by inference acceptance as directly proportional to serenity. Essentially it boils down to this - if I have a high level of expectation I will have a low level of both serenity and acceptance, and if I have a low level of expectation then I will have a high level of both serenity and acceptance. Alternatively, if I maintain a high level of acceptance then I will have a high level of serenity.
This is where the serenity prayer makes most sense. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." I would offer that the amount of energy that one applies to pushing down their expectation level is better spent looking around at their world and learning to live in acceptance. Acceptance truly will be the key to finding and keeping happiness alive and well in our lives.
Consider this, "Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake." If we were to own this it would quickly point us to the realization that when we focus on error in the world we are again taking back the position of director of our life. We are ill-equipped to be the director as we lack both the experience and resolve, and for any of us that have previously relinquished this not-what-it's-cracked-up-to-be title I can think of nothing more frustrating than taking it back on. Trust me it is far more rewarding and significantly less difficult to just say "Okay, this was sent my direction I need to accept it and move on."
Some of you are wondering if it's really that simple. Can the quality of my life increase exponentially simply by accepting the things around me as exactly the way they are supposed to be? I could give you my answer, and I have tried to make a case for just this over the past week, but I prefer you just try it. Come on try it -- you might like it.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Expectations
The Big Book notes that "serenity is inversely proportional to expectations". Essentially, serenity is opposite, but equal to our expectations of the things around us. If we have high level of expectation than we will have the equally opposite low level of serenity. For example if you expect that tonight you will be getting the finest home cooked meal you have ever had what is most likely to happen when you sit down at the table. With such high expectations you stand a very good chance of being disappointed or at least not having the finest home cooked meal you have ever had. When that happens you will find yourself much less serene than had you had no expectations at all and enjoyed a perfectly fine meal at the dinner table. Interesting - huh?
So your probably wondering if I believe that you should have no expectations period. After all that would seemingly be the best method to ensure a high level of serenity, right? My answer is .... yes you are right. No expectations or even low expectations WILL provide you with a mechanism to maintain your serenity at least for the time being.
A lot of people I share this with are very skeptical. After all our world works because of basic principles like if I do this then I get that. We like the orderliness of expectations, and we like to avoid chaos that we believe accompanies lack of expectations. It is true that expectations provide a sense of order, but I would offer that the current interpretation of this has become quite distorted in our industrial age.
If the past few months have offered us anything it should have been a solid look at the long term unsustainability of self-perceived order without strong foundational fundamentals. Our economic world is getting rocked (and we with it) because we are incorrectly perceiving our expectations as fundamentals. We expect that saving for retirement equals ever increasing gains, and when these gains are not ever increasing (and even become diminshing) we become frustrated. It doesn't come up in conversation that we made fundamentally bad investment decisions (investments that were going to lose money instead of gain money) instead we focus our energies on how the world is out of control economically and we fall into the victim role. The truth is if we identified risk-taking for what it is, taking risks, and set our expectations low on the likelihood of return (again emphasize risk) then many of us would have significantly less stress as we see markets in chaos.
By identifying the dangers that accompany our expectations we become more rational and realistic about fears that often drive us to obsession. This remains another critical building block to maintaining a serene life.
So your probably wondering if I believe that you should have no expectations period. After all that would seemingly be the best method to ensure a high level of serenity, right? My answer is .... yes you are right. No expectations or even low expectations WILL provide you with a mechanism to maintain your serenity at least for the time being.
A lot of people I share this with are very skeptical. After all our world works because of basic principles like if I do this then I get that. We like the orderliness of expectations, and we like to avoid chaos that we believe accompanies lack of expectations. It is true that expectations provide a sense of order, but I would offer that the current interpretation of this has become quite distorted in our industrial age.
If the past few months have offered us anything it should have been a solid look at the long term unsustainability of self-perceived order without strong foundational fundamentals. Our economic world is getting rocked (and we with it) because we are incorrectly perceiving our expectations as fundamentals. We expect that saving for retirement equals ever increasing gains, and when these gains are not ever increasing (and even become diminshing) we become frustrated. It doesn't come up in conversation that we made fundamentally bad investment decisions (investments that were going to lose money instead of gain money) instead we focus our energies on how the world is out of control economically and we fall into the victim role. The truth is if we identified risk-taking for what it is, taking risks, and set our expectations low on the likelihood of return (again emphasize risk) then many of us would have significantly less stress as we see markets in chaos.
By identifying the dangers that accompany our expectations we become more rational and realistic about fears that often drive us to obsession. This remains another critical building block to maintaining a serene life.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Serenity: Part II
So now we better understand our correct position on the things that happen around us. We think we control things, but it is much better said that we are participants not directors in this thing called life. This is absolutely a huge step toward reducing our stress and increasing our serenity, but I won't kid you -- it takes daily (sometimes hourly) work just to maintain this mind-set.
Everything around us reinforces the false sense of control that we want, and moving out of the director role is not something that many of us like. We believe the anamoly is when things don't go our way, but the truth is we should consider the anamoly when things do go our way. We are subjects in the truest sense to the whims, desires, tasks, and emergencies around us. Importantly, it is our acceptance of these things that take us to a whole new level of serenity.
I guess I say all of that because it is important for everyone not just addicts to realize that serenity is hard work. Maintaining a realistic picture of who we are in the world we live in requires effort, but the rewards infiltrate ever part of our being. It might not feel like it is worth it at the moment we are working through it, but as serene people we will be better spouses, children, friends, and community members.
Everything around us reinforces the false sense of control that we want, and moving out of the director role is not something that many of us like. We believe the anamoly is when things don't go our way, but the truth is we should consider the anamoly when things do go our way. We are subjects in the truest sense to the whims, desires, tasks, and emergencies around us. Importantly, it is our acceptance of these things that take us to a whole new level of serenity.
I guess I say all of that because it is important for everyone not just addicts to realize that serenity is hard work. Maintaining a realistic picture of who we are in the world we live in requires effort, but the rewards infiltrate ever part of our being. It might not feel like it is worth it at the moment we are working through it, but as serene people we will be better spouses, children, friends, and community members.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Serenity
The big book talks a lot about serenity. Serenity is that calm peacefulness that enevelopes who we become when a lot of the little details around us are taken care of. But how does that happen - how do those little details get "taken care of"?
It has been my experience both in study and practice that serenity is the byproduct of rightfully realizing the lack of control that we have over things. Now that might sound negative, but it's really the most positive revelation that you could possibly have about yourself.
What do you control -- what do you really control? Most of us think we control our schedules and activities, but then it just takes one emergency to put that into perspective. For everything you think that you control there is an opposite and often competing reality of what controls that more. For example, have you ever left for an appointment with plenty of time to spare to find yourself a victim of a traffic jam. We think to ourselves that we should have taken a different road or path, but who has the assurance that would have worked. Often our lack of control is highlighted by just a phone call or seemingly inconsequential decision that puts us in a place that alters us forever. Even the smallest experiences are life changing experiences.The reality of our lack of control in any given situation is just a phone call or lane change away.
Understanding that we are the smallest cog in the wheel of life experienced around us truly is a freeing experience, and the quickest way to shed unwanted stress.
It has been my experience both in study and practice that serenity is the byproduct of rightfully realizing the lack of control that we have over things. Now that might sound negative, but it's really the most positive revelation that you could possibly have about yourself.
What do you control -- what do you really control? Most of us think we control our schedules and activities, but then it just takes one emergency to put that into perspective. For everything you think that you control there is an opposite and often competing reality of what controls that more. For example, have you ever left for an appointment with plenty of time to spare to find yourself a victim of a traffic jam. We think to ourselves that we should have taken a different road or path, but who has the assurance that would have worked. Often our lack of control is highlighted by just a phone call or seemingly inconsequential decision that puts us in a place that alters us forever. Even the smallest experiences are life changing experiences.The reality of our lack of control in any given situation is just a phone call or lane change away.
Understanding that we are the smallest cog in the wheel of life experienced around us truly is a freeing experience, and the quickest way to shed unwanted stress.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
