never the same old same old

On Sunday mornings I take my children out for donuts and chocolate milk before church. This has become a bit of tradition in the Smith household, and has the added benefits of motivating everyone (at least the kids and me) out the door so mom is not late for worship practice. We travel the same route through the store and you would think that all of these Sunday mornings would blend into one another, but for some reason they don't. Each Sunday morning looks exactly the same, but motivated by kids who never see the sameness in any of our time together I have become more in tune with the nuances of these trips that make them individually memorable.

For example, this morning I learned something about my youngest. Her brother asked (in a sickeningly sweet voice) if she was going to share part of her donut with him. She shook her head yes (mouth full of donut of course) and broke her remaining donut in half. She looked over the pieces she had broken and I could see the wheels turning. Looking from piece to piece she calculated which piece was the largest (they were close in size, but one was just a little larger). She turned over the smaller piece to her brother and continued chomping. I could see that she was proud of herself - both for sharing and keeping the biggest piece for herself. I was also proud of her - both for sharing and keeping the biggest piece for herself. I learned that she is already learining to both be true to and stand up for herself.

I am so thankful for a wife and kids that really do appreciate the smallest of moments. They motivate me to look beyind the sameness of everyday life and find that one memory that I want to carry with me all the time.

I wonder if THEY know that

Somewhere I missed it. Yesterday, I stood watching a cheerleading competition in which my middle child was competing. I came prepared to see some basic tumbles and maybe even a cartwheel or two. What I got was -- well, a lot more than that. Sometime between discussing with my wife how "good it would be" for our child to get involved in cheerleading and writing the monthly checks I missed all the hard work she (and the rest of her team) were putting in. And then - bam! right in front of me is this unbelievable performance. It never ocurred to me that she was serious about this.

It makes me wonder how many other obvious things about my kids I miss around me each day. Of course I entertain her "cute" comments about this or that with her cheerleading, but I thought most of it was nonsense chat. Of course, when my son talks about karate or even what he enjoys about what he's studying I listen, I just don't listen maybe as closely as I should. It seems to me I might be guilty of under-indulging my kids efforts and dreams. I wonder if THEY know that.

really...

Had a chance to run a group today, and I was on the path of one of those topics. You know - the ones that get eyebrows raised and skeptical looks when you start. The group that you can see people saying - oh REALLY in their head when you begin. It wasn't planned that way it just happened.

I started with a statement that was something like - "I don't think that it's all that important that you admit you have a problem in Step 1; rather I think it is most important that you can accurately identify how unmanageable your life has become." It's funny how unsettled people become when you introduce a new idea to them or at least challenge the same old way they have been looking at the problem. Okay - so I have been known to throw a zinger or two just to get people out of their comfort zone, but I wasn't doing that today. I just think that the most important part of Step 1 people lose focus on.

Does it really matter that an addict can admit their problem? I mean REALLY matter? There's a ton of people around them that love them (and some that don't) that can see they have a problem. Often their own admission that there is a problem puts them last in the circle of people that see it. Isn't it more important to really focus on the one day, the one conversation, the one behavior that exemplifies how out of control their life will become if they choose to use again? Isn't it?

You see - my theory is that Step 1 is enough for an addict to maintain their sobriety. It might not give them the well-balanced health that fully following the program will, but if they can see clearly the starting point of how far they will go if they use again I can think of nothing better to motivate them to change. Even then the disease will continue a cunning, baffling, and powerful course to derail those changes.

Admitting a problem - that's a bonus; avoiding the behavior by avoiding the drug - absolutely paramount in succeeding.

WAKE Up

This morning early (about 4:00 am) I woke up to my youngest trying to manuever her way onto my bed. She was prepared - blanket and pillow in hand (I guess in case I didn't have one), but she was not "awake". She stood at the end of a bed on which during daylight she can perform any number of gymnastic feats and said these words: "Dad, I don't know how to get up." I laughed and reached down and swooped her up, accessories and all, and within seconds she was snuggled in and sleeply sounding.

You ever been there. That place that you're not sure how you got there, but think you need to be. That place that whether by habit or accident you showed up with all the right equipment, but just couldn't seem to close the deal by doing something that you've done a hundred time before. Have you ever been at that place where short of some big arms reaching out and swooping you up you would never be able to rest, safely snuggled in. I have.

Sometimes it's okay to put in on autopilot. Maybe you're tired, maybe you just can't think through the next step. It's okay - but it's better if you go looking for some big arms to swoop you up. WAKE Up - connect with someone who is going to help; it's a bonus if they're laughing at you.